Valentines Day
by Satyana
Summary: It's been three weeks since that awful night when Magnus walked out of his life and Alec knew he couldn't take that pain anymore. ! Warnings for Lemon and suicidal topics...!
1. Chapter 1 - In Agony

Valentines Day

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><p>Summary: It's been three weeks since that awful night when Magnus walked out of his life and Alex knew he couldn't take that pain anymore.<p>

Note: It's a small story based upon the song "Valentines Day" by Linkin Park.

Hope you will like it even it's a bit sad. But nevertheless I would be really, really happy for getting a review

And of course I don't own the band or anybody from TMI.

- Warning - fanfic with M-rated content / mentioning of themes like hurt and depression etc. -

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><p>The night was cold up here and the wind kept blowing strongly against his pale face. His eyes were reddened, because he had cried a lot lately. Tried trails of tears were running down his cheeks. But all of this didn't matter for the black-haired man, who was sitting on the concrete near the edge of the highest pillar of the Brooklyn Bridge while watching eightyfive meters down towards the dark surface of the East River.<p>

Normally this place was his safety haven. Whenever he did need time to hide for whatever reason, he escaped up here. He could easily spent hours after hours in this special place. Just watching the dark river floating by below. The traffic noise from the road underneath him was like a calming mantrasong to him. Two hours up here and Alec could face again the cruel reality down there.

But since three weeks, the world was different.

So much, that only being here didn't change anything. And especially today, nothing seemed to take away his numbness and his pain inside. And therefore he had to chance his tactic into a more drastic motion.

He looked down at the fresh horizontal cuts at his left wrist. Watching the blood as it slowly soaked through the new wounds. They weren't deep, but nevertheless they did what they had to do – covering pain by more pain. Hurting him that much, so he wouldn't need to feel his emptiness inside of his mind and inside of his heart, at least for a few moments.

Twelve cuts – for twelve missed calls throughout this night. Six from Izzy, three from Jace and two from Clary, even his mother had called once. But the name, which really would matter to him, was missing on the phone list. Alex knew, the name would be missing forever now. And yet again, his phone vibrated and he added a mental line behind Clarys name. They all seemed to be worried. But they shouldn't. At least they deserved to be all happy at this special day on which lovers normally went crazy about, he thought. They should be out on romantic dates or do something special and not sitting at home in deep concern about him.

They had their plans, too, for this day. Magnus wanted to take him to a small place in South Africa, a small and lonely beach near Cape Town. They would have had a small picnic under the beautiful starry sky and afterwards they would have showed how much they loved each other.

But this option was long gone.

By that realization Alec closed his eyes, trying to ignore the deep urge to cry, because of the pulsing pain waves in his sobbing heard and started to listen to the music again which was hammering in his ears the whole time.

_My insides all turn to ash, so slow  
>And blow away as I collapsed, so cold<em>

_A black wind took them away, from sight  
>And now the darkness over day, that night.<em>

That night, in which everything he'd believed in, was swept away by just one single statement. That the strongest feeling on earth wouldn't matter to Magnus, that love didn't change a thing. And Alec hadn't the slightest chance to fight against that. It was hopeless. Magnus had decided for both of them.

_And the clouds above move closer,_

_Looking so dissatisfied,_

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing._

How could Magnus be like that cruel? Just walking away? Was leaving Alec and their time together behind that easy? Could he really act like Alec didn't matter to him as if he was trivial?

_I used to be my own protection, but not now  
>'Cause my path has lost direction, somehow<em>

_A black wind took you away, from sight  
>And now the darkness over day, that night<em>

Before their love, he was always strong. Never gave in, to the need to feel anything, because that would make somebody vulnerable. He was safe in his closet. Alone, but safe. But then there was this shiny warlock and Alecs world turned upside down. In the end he would have risked everything for Magnus, by coming out towards his siblings, his family, even to the Clave. And Alec would have faced every single consequence for Magnus, his soulmate. Didn't that count anything for his him? By the angel, he even would have given up his marks, if that was the only way, to be with Magnus, but he guessed, that he was the only one, who would suffer for their relationship.

_And the clouds above move closer,  
>Looking so dissatisfied,<br>And the ground below grew colder,  
>As they put you down inside<br>But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing._

But this all of this was his fault. One single wrong decision and the whole world would change again. His impatience towards Magnus' past, his naïve curiosity caused the greatest pain, he ever had to face. Magnus wasn't ready to open up, and he should have respected that, but he couldn't obey.

_So now you're gone  
>And I was wrong<br>I never knew what it was like_

_To be alone …._

Before the break-up, for the first time in his life, Alec knew where his home was and where he belonged. And he was happy. But he had to destroy his beloved lighthouse in his troubled life. His old life was now only a dark shadow in his memory. Nothing was left inside of Alec. Not only was Magnus gone, he even took his heart and mind with him away and Alec had to suffer in total loneliness and that did hurt. Su much that without Magnus by his side, Alec couldn't handle that anymore.

To be alone…

_On a Valentine's Day  
>On a Valentine's Day<br>On a Valentine's Day  
>On a Valentine's Day<em>

It felt so wrong to be that alone and not only on the special day today. But every single minute without the love of his life did hurt and he absolutely couldn't do something to chance the fact, that they were done. So his life didn't matter to him anymore.

While Alec opened his eyes again, he tried to sweep away the tears he kept crying. He grabbed for his bag, took a small white page out of his notepad and wrote something on it. After that he folded the paper and wrote with his stele the fire mark onto it. He didn't through it away as it kept fire. Accepting the pain of the burning sting as it burned down on his hand. As the wind strong wind up there blew the ashes instantly away and sending the message towards the right person, Alec stood up and took one final glance towards the lights of Brooklyn. Somewhere out there he was, living his old life again, without even thinking about him anymore. And Alec walked the last step, which separated him from falling over the edge.

_(On a Valentine's__Day) I used to be my own protection_

_(On a Valentine's Day) But not now  
>(On a Valentine's Day) 'Cause my mind has lost direction<br>(On a Valentine's Day) Somehow_

The apartment was totally dark. No single light was on. Even the TV was kept in silent. Only once in a while a small purring voice was to be heard. The Chairman was sitting in the lap of the man who was sitting on the couch. His Shoulders were hanging down, as if he was a lifeless sack. He didn't had make-up on or his hair up in glittery spikes. His clothing wasn't tight anymore, because he hadn't eaten a lot lately. Magnus was just sitting on his furniture and stared into the darkness.

Seconds later the room was lightened up by a short lighting, a flame appeared next to Magnus and a white paper materialized through it. Magnus took the note and in this moment he just knew, who the author was.

He opened it up and saw in horror the sloppy written words "At leat the good thing in being mortal is, that you have the option end it."

His face got white and Magnus screamed out of his lung in fear. Scaring the cat away. His Alec wouldn't, no, he couldn't do that, could he?. But nevertheless, Magnus was in deep hollow. He stood up and jumped towards his bedroom. He needed to get a personal thing from Alec. Very fast. He grabbed a black sweater lying on his bed, five candles from the cupboard and went back to the living room

He instantly began to summon a spell while he draw a pentagram and a circle on the ground and lighten up the candles around him. A blue watery surface began to be built. Shining bright through the apartment.

_(On a Valentine's Day) I used to be my own protection  
>(On a Valentine's Day) But not now<br>(On a Valentine's Day) 'Cause my mind has lost direction  
>(On a Valentine's Day) Somehow<em>

Alec fell deeper and deeper. Caused by the fall velocity, he felt that he slowly lost his consciousness. Accepting the warm embrace of the blackness. He saw that the East River wasn't that far away now and in the next seconds his body would burst asunder on the hart water surface. But only a few meters above it, a shiny blue circle opened up and instantly swallowed Alecs body.

Alec crashed hard upon the ground on the other side of the portal and he struggled for air, because the clash took all the air out of his lungs. Pain was ringing in his ears and his eyes popped open. He saw candles around him and the room smelled as if magic was used. Alec tried to look up and directly looked into a pair of eyes – very well known feline-eyes.

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><p>So what do you think? Please give me a feedback or a review, so that I know if you want a two-shot out of this or not.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2 - in between

**Valentines Day – Chapter 2: In between**

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><p><strong>Three weeks - what could happen during three fucking weeks? Well obviously if you are an eight hundred years old warlock, you could change a world not only within these few days but within four hours…you could make mistakes… you could really screw things up…and you could risk a future with your soulmate… And what now? What do you do, when you have betrayed everyone in your life? Could there still be mercy?<strong>

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><p><strong>Hey guys. <strong>

**First: I want to thank you for all your great responses to my little story here. Never thought you would like it that much :-)**

**Second: I hope you also enjoy this update. As you wished, I wrote a second chapter. I tried to write it as a songbased fanfic (in the end of the chapter) as well to kind of match it with the first one. The song is called "In between" and it's of course from Linkin Park again. You can find it on the same CD and as a funny coincident it comes directly after "Valentines Day" ^^**

**Third: I want to apologize for the content and for this very bitter version of Magnus at the beginning of this chapter, but I never said, it would be nice to read the second chapter ;-)**

**Forth: I want to say thank you to my husband for all his love, support and his endless understanding. ****Love you so much! Für immer wir, du bist mein Leben!**

**Fifth: this chapter is dedicated to FreakyPumpkin for just anything. You're the best, keep that always in mind! :-D **

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own TMI or Linkin Park. Damn…<strong>

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><p>Still very confused and dizzy, he tried to remember what was happening - what he was doing right now, but as hard as he tried to focus himself, he couldn't analyze the situation – he couldn't even think straight. All he knew was that this all felt wrong, that actually his mind didn't want to do what he was doing, but nevertheless he didn't change it. His body told him otherwise – that he needed this badly and directly commanded him to keep this up and Magnus willingly obeyed. With no resistance he let the man on top of him concede his blissful work. His head was spinning around and he felt a great sickness inside of him, but this didn't change the fact that he thrust back with equal force and pace. The other man was only one step ahead of riding him with an aggressiveness as if there was no tomorrow to come, as if the world will stand still for him when dawn rise. And for Magnus the deadly freeze started in exactly this moment.<p>

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><p>three hours ago –<p>

A buzzing sound kept cutting through the peaceful silent of his apartment in an annoying rhythm and slowly woke him up. He heard from his uncomfortable place on the couch, where he had fallen asleep some hours ago, that somebody was slamming wildly onto his front door.

As he managed to open his eyes, he instantly felt a great pain stinging and hammering like a woodpecker in his head. With his hands he caressed his temples wishing he wouldn't get a headache because of all the alcohol in his veins and tried to steady his gaze but with no luck - his living room was still spinning around. A slightly urge to vomit afflicted his guts and he had a hard time not to give in.

"You damn bastard of a warlock open the fucking door now or I'll smash it into little toothpicks and stick them into your ass – slowly one by one." The voice was raging outside and by that the beating paced up.

"Oh please shut the fuck up, Jace, or I swear I will turn you into a rat and feed you to Chairman." he yelled back and as a result got a painwave as a thank you. What did that son of bitch want from him this time? Did he not say it in a very clear tone that he didn't want to be their pet anymore? He was done with all of them so why did that nephilim show up on a weekly basic?

"No need, if you just open up NOW" The blond-haired boy shouted from the outside and once again threw his whole body onto the door.

Magnus turned onto his back trying to focus his eyes on the ceiling but his gaze kept blurry and with his right hand he washed over his face as if it would help to regain a clear vision. He tried to stand up and by that three empty bottles of finest russian wodka fell to the floor and rolling their ways towards the front door. Still the room was spinning and he needed to steady himself first before he could even think to walk to the door but after some deep breathes he was ready slide himself to the front of his apartment to open his door for blondicurl.

"Oh shit, you look like hell." Was there a serious concern behind his words? At least the face of Jace seemed for a second to be softer than usual. But it was true, the once so shiny bright high warlock of Brooklyn was only a shadow of himself and what was left was only an empty shell. Reddened eyes, dried trails of tears, no make-up, no glittery hair, hadn't showered yet, only wore a pair of a grey pyjama bottoms and a loose white t-shirt, This was definitely not the Magnus, Jace had known. So it only took three weeks and a break-up to rupture an immortal warlock into tiny little pieces. Well, that`s a news, Jace thought.

"Nice meeting you too, blondi." Magnus replied with a deeply annoyed voice.

"Can I come in?" The young nephilim really distracted Magnus because of the underneath lying bleeding sound of his words. What was wrong with Jace? He needed to know.

"Could anything stop you doing it anyway?" It was more of a rhetorical question and by that Jace went into the room and he let his eyes gazing around. The room looked like as if a bomb had exploded seconds ago leaving the room in a state of pure mess. Worn cloth were lying wildly around, boxes of not eaten food were standing on what seemed like every inch of the room and uncountable numbers of empty bottles of alcohol were rolling from the table onto the floor as Jace touched one to just confirm his assumption.

"Your charlady has quit?" Jace asked with a raised eyebrow, his face showed profound aversion for the mss of the room they were in.

"Yes, Alec's no longer here, you know." And as he said the last world he knew he had deserved that punch he got right in his face. Without any signs of self-defence he let Jace take his arm and was slammed with his back in full speed against the wall next to the door. His face near Magnus' ear he spitted his next word as if they were out of venom.

"Talk like this about him again and I swear, I will happily kill you." And to emphasize his words, Jace took his seraphblade from his back, whispered an angels name and hold the now bright shining sword against Magnus' throat till he couldn't breathe anymore.

"I hope I never need to say anything to you again." He tried to speak in pain while the sword kept squeezing his neck. His eyes were sparkling in a light blue color and a thin bubble full of electric energy was building up around Magnus like a protecting halo out of pure blue magic.

"Well that's a good start, rainbow."

"So honey, as lovely as I think our wrestling make-out session would be, I don't want to clean your blood out of my pretty couch so back off and spit your shit out why you came crawling all the way up to me?" His blue shield was now shining brightly and Jace needed to shield his eyes with his hands to not get blind. That was the chance, the warlock had searched for, to get rid of Jace and he moved two steps away into his living room.

"We lost the tracks of Alec today and we kind of hoped he would be here...well… we had hoped... perhaps on this special day... both of you… well, you know…" He shot the world out as fast as if they were fired by a gun and got the look from Magnus, Jace wishes he _wouldn't _get.

"You did what?!" For a brief moment, Magnus instincts were on alarm, more he was in huge concern and he directly wanted to search for his lover, but in the next moment he remembered –his ex-lover. Alec was no longer a stability in his life, because he had _betrayed_ him, and he tried to overplay his small weakness, hoping Jace hadn't seen anything.

"I don't know where you've been the last three weeks but clearly not in this reality. Alec and I are done." It was a statement not a simple sentence. "So tell me, Jace, why should he be here?! And just to clear my point once again: I don't give a single fuck about him, you, your family or the Clave. In exactly that same order. So leave me alone." Magnus emphasized every single world and underlined them with gestures.

"How by the angels could you act that cold, you son of a…." He hadn't the chance to finish his sentence, because he had to react very fast and duck himself otherwise he would have been struck by a bluish energy orb which now exploded with a flashy lightning against the wall next to the nephilim.

"What was that for?!"

"Don't you dare call my mother like that again, you dirty little scumbag!" Magnus was beyond rage and his darkened eyes sprinkled small thunderbolts in all directions, ready to kill the boy in front of him within seconds.

"Right,well then, uhm, everything was said, I guess." And with that Jace turned around and without looking back, he walked out of the apartment and slammed the door back in his hinges leaving Magnus with his morbidity alone.

He had done so well this day, avoiding every single thought about Alec on this special day by drinking himself until unconsciousness overwhelmed him and slept his intoxication out. But this stupid nephilim just had to crash into his safety snail shell and brought him back to this cruel and painful reality, to his life in loneliness, a life without his great love named Alexander Lightwood.

And once again Magnus was overwhelmed by his feelings again like it had happened every single night since three weeks.

Something in his inside broke into tiny splinters and his feet were trembling - no longer able to carry his weight. His whole body fell to the floor and silent sobs escaped Magnus throat. On the outsight he might look as if he was tough like a champion and as if he could handle this break-up, but on the inside he was slowly and painfully bleeding to death. Since three weeks he was steadily dying and no healing potion could fix his torn heart. Tears were running down his cheeks and in a deep grief he twisted himself on the ground, ending up in a fetus position.

He missed him – his beloved Alec – and it did hurt him beyond a possible description.

Since he walked away that night he was numb and he wasn`t no longer able to live any longer in that aching state. It had started to get unbearable by now.

Why had Alec done that? Betraying Magnus, betraying their relationship, their love and future? Why hadn't he just waited in patience for him to get ready to tell him everything? He already had trusted Alec enough for that, the warlock had just wanted to wait for the right moment to explain him all of his past life. But this bitch Camille came in between and everything went down from that point. He should have killed her the moment he had the chance for, but he was too craven back then. So it was all his own damn fault.

No no no, his mind screamed in his head, it was all because of Alec and his need to destroy their happiness – destroy everything they had.

And more tears were trailing down his cheeks and falling down onto the wooden floor like he had done a lot lately. Like every single night since that damn meeting down in the subway where he had chosen the loneliness again by walking away – that night he had declined a future with his soul mate – that night he left behind his heart. He cried and blamed Alec for everything and he couldn't think of a way to stop it. By all gods out there when would this all stop? When would he get his old life back? This had to end. Three long weeks should be enough. He had cried and thought enough. His body was exhausted, tired and weak and he was too fed up by his state.

"Enough is enough." He tried to scream out his desperation, but only a weak sob escaped his throat. "I need to gain my strength back. I'm the high warlock of Brooklyn and I will not break down because of a stupid mundane feeling like love!"

In rage he grabbed an empty bottle of glass aside of him and let it burst asunder with a clattering sound onto the opposite wall near the television, followed instantly by another high clangor and a blue sparkling orb. This time the huge flat screen got a direct hit, caught up blue fire and fell to the floor. Moments later the second orb let it explode into thousands of tiny pieces.

He's a proud eight hundred years old warlock and he had a countless numbers of men and women at his side in his life and so he would also get over this stupid young nephilim. This chapter called Alec was closed and he had to move on, starting with today. He clearly could do that. It's not a big deal forgetting his beloved one. But deep down a small part of him already knew he lied to himself about that. He won`t find anybody else, because this tiny part realized that you could find your soul mate only once in a lifetime – no matter if you're mortal or immortal – but Magnus wanted to be lied to, he wanted to live in his illusion that the warlock could gain control over his life again.

And so he let his anger for Alec grow by telling himself what Alec did to him - playing with his span of life and this couldn't be forgiven, could it? No, he definitely couldn`t and therefore he will start his change now.

He stood up, closed his eyes and focused on his inner magical center. Around him the halo was back and grew wider and wider around him, beginning to expand into the living room. Within seconds the whole apartment of the warlock shone in a bright mixture of blue and violet sparkling lights. By the immense power which was floating in waves away from Magnus, the loose furniture began to bounce up and down till they lost their ground contact and were flying in a huge circle like a big hurricane around Magnus' body while he slowly opened his eyes again, which were now shining in a glistening warm golden color. Moments later the blinding light from the halo filled every inch of the room and as the glare abated the room looked like his usual state – clean and whole again. The television was on, showing the daily news, candles were shining warmly on the cupboard next to the front door spreading their slight scents of sandalwood and cinnamon and the coffee machine was filling hot black liquid in Magnus' favorite mug underneath. It looked like as if it was a peaceful morning and as if the last three weeks hadn't happened but it was only a deceiving facade.

Magnus flipped with his fingers and he was immediately changed into his usual bright colored cloth, he had make-up on and his spiked hair shone in glittery rainbow colors. A second flip and he was outside on a busy street somewhere in London standing directly in front of a well visited club.

Magnus let his gaze trail over the line of waiting downworlders and he smiled satisfied. This felt right for him, to be here where he had the chance to act free again, because at this place - on the other side of the Atlantic Sea - he could ignore this nibbling pain inside of him and forget everything what had happened, at least for a while. London had always been his vanishing point and yet again this city didn't let him down and did exactly what it had to do, what Magnus had hoped – distract him for a while and let him block the past three weeks out.

He started to walk towards the bouncer who was talking with a group of green colored fairies. They tried to get themselves into the club by flirting – with no luck, the doorman didn't give an inch.

Magnus on the other hand wasn't in need of such tactics because the second the bouncer saw him, he opened the chain, which separated the entrance from the waiting line, and Magnus was easily able to enter the club. For once it paid off having a worldwide well-known name.

He followed the corridor till the end and walked down the stairs. With every step he felt the rhythm of the bass beat steadily increasing and the music kept getting louder and louder till he came to the door at the end of the stairs – the last barrier he had to take to get towards his goal.

He opened the heavy metal double wing door and was instantly overflowed by the scene in front of him.

The room which was decorated like a wine cellar was kept in darkness – only lightened up by some small candles which were floating above the heads of countless number of nameless bodies rocking against each other in wild movements on the dance floor right in the middle of the huge room. Dancing, sweating, touching and kissing to the different beats of the load music. It was as if all of them were merging into one enormous ecstatic mass.

The hundreds of people were dancing in an erotic slow motion, jumping up and down by the musicbeats and slamming their bodies together. They all heated up the temperature of the large room and Magnus had to take of his jacket, exposing his lean muscular body which was now only covered by a thin green shirt matching his dark green lean jeans.

While he kept his gaze onto the bodies making out on the dance floor, he tried to make his way towards the bar and ordered a dry Martini as he had arrived there. After the fifth one the dizzy feeling started to crawl from his guts up to his head lulling his mind and blocking his straight thinking while he felt hands sliding slightly over his hip from behind. A body leant nearer and words were whispered softly against his ears. "Mind to share a drink with me?"

Magnus blinked in surprise and carefully turned around not wanting to interrupt the motion of the other man and looked into ravenblack eyes belonging to a tall blue-haired Mexican warlock. Black and Blue – always Magnus' favorite, no matter which way around.

"Thomas? Oh dear… you're alive?" He knew him since more or less one hundred years. Thomas fled from the Mexican civil war and walked into Magnus' life. But some months or years later – as an immortal you forgot counting - Magnus broke up because Thomas was getting to affectionately and he wasn't ready for that kind of relationship. His freedom was always more important for Magnus – well till a young nephilim came to a birthday party of his cat and took his heart away.

"Obviously… Long time - no see, huh, Magnus." He said while gently caressing Magnus' cheek.

"Twenty years to be more precisely." To get petted that softly again, felt damn good and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the moment.

"Missed me?" Thomas' hands found a belt loop of Magnus' jeans and pulled him nearer.

"No." The answer came harsh and quick but was said with an apologetic tone underneath and the other man understood.

Thomas' gaze moved seductively along Magnus' body and his hands mimicked his movement and trailed down his side until they disappeared under his shirt. He touched the bare skin on Magnus' back pressing him even closer towards him. Their bodies were only inches away from each other. Thomas moved the last step which separated them and their bodies collided in bliss. An electric spark flew from Magnus onto Thomas and back again.

Thomas bucked his hip, letting their groins meet each other for the first time and Magnus' throat escaped a soft moan.

"You still like that, don't you." And indeed he did. When it came to Sex, Magnus never was an angel. Far from it, he was a very sensual man and needed it on a daily base and the fact that the last two-time with Alec was weeks ago and the alcohol which was running through his veins did the rest. So by now he was longing, he was literally begging after some sexual affection, after some relief.

And Thomas obeyed by moving his hands to the front and fondled over Magnus' abs, gliding up and down, making Magnus shiver in pure infuriation, making himself start to adapt the movements of Thomas' hips and every time their already aroused erections meet, Magnus moaned a bit louder, more frantic by every thrust.

As Magnus wanted to speed up their movements, Thomas took him by his arms and dragged him to a door in the middle of the left wall. Behind it there was a small room full of cozy armchairs ready to lounge in and they immediately fell onto the first one within their reach with Thomas on top of him.

Through the thick darkness his feline eyes could see pairs of naked bodies, kissing, touching and crushing into their partners, showing their affection towards each other or having just mind blowing fast sex. The air was full of load moaning and climaxes and Magnus could smell their sweats, hear their comes and all of it turned him on, letting his erection throb against his already too tight jeans.

Magnus knew that Thomas would wait until he did the first step, letting the decision up to him, but Magnus didn't need to think about it anymore, his brain had already resigned his work letting Magnus be dominated by his needs and his wanting. The point of no return was long overtaken and leaving him in autopilot mode obeying his instincts.

Slightly like a light feather he run his fingers along the face of his partner. Trailing along his cheekbones, his thumb brushing over the bottom lip and finally Magnus leant in, pressing forcefully his lips against the other mouth and let his tongue slip through the parted lips.

He could hear a quiet moan coming from Thomas and felt him kissing back with equal force that caused a wave of pleasure rushing through Magnus' body. Without second thought Magnus' body started to move on its own speed as he felt the obvious bulge of Thomas erection against his tight.

Within seconds Thomas' opened Magnus' belt, slipped his hands through directly finding the already standing erection and started to pump up and down. The eyes of Magnus rolled back in pure satisfaction and long deep moans were escaping his mouth. It felt amazing and his whole body spasm in delight. A thick fog of joy obscured his head and he purred his moans loudly. "Yes ... Alec, baby…deeper….."

His partner instantly hold still - his face grimaced in disgust.

_His _Alec - Oh dear god, what was he doing here? It wasn't his beloved angel who gave him this bliss and his mind sobered up within seconds.

_His_ Alec - he wasn't here with Magnus and never would be, never would be _his _again.

_His _Alec – he should stop fooling himself and start to admit that he still love him more than everything in his damn life and would ever love till eternity. And this here – this was definitely not was the warlock wanted.

Magnus stiffened up and pushed slowly the man on top of him away, directly looking into Thomas' hurt eyes.

"I`m sorry…. but this…." He waved with a hand between them.

"Don't be…." The words cut the silence like a thunderbolt and Thomas stumbled back, stood up while flattening his cloth, directly turned around and stormed in pure rage out of the room without looking back.

And yet again Magnus was left alone and a single tear found its way out, trailing his way down his still blushed cheek.

He looked down at his still opened belt and immediately got disgusted by himself trying to depress the urge to vomit. His head fell back while Magnus' face showed horror and desperation about his body and about his weak mind. What had he done? How could he let this had happened? Tears and more tears were running like a river down his face wetting his shirt.

His right fingers flipped and he was in his bathroom again where he finally broke down in wild distress. He cried and sobbed and whimpered and after some time – what felt like an eternity – he crawled into his shower letting ice cold water floating over him, praying that this welcomed pain would replace his endless emptiness inside.

But it didn't. And the only cure for the mess inside is gone. – not available, never again, because of his _own_ fault, because he _chose_ this. No one to blame but _himself_….

What is an immortal life worth without someone at his side to share everything?

He closed his sad eyes and let his head fall into his hands. He made a mistake – a huge mistake and he needed to undone this. But how? How do you fix life?

Magnus turned off the shower and tried to stand up, to gain strength again and it worked. He walked to his bedroom to get some cloth from his closet when his eyes recognize something small lying on one of his cupboards. As he looked closer he saw that it was one of Alecs CDs he had left here, because he hadn't done what Magnus had told him down in the subway– to come and take all his things with him. Magnus had planned to send it to him in a box the next day with all his other stuff he had found some days before.

Magnus flipped once again his fingers and the room was immediately filled by music. He walked out of the room now fully clothed and sat down on his couch. The Chairman joined him directly and rolled himself in a ball of fur in his lab, purring to the rhythm of the song.

Magnus closed his eyes, let the music overwhelm him, taking him to another place, where he was together again with his beloved Alec, where everything was good and whole again, where nobody had done mistakes, where they just could be happy again.

Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed

But somehow I got caught up in between

No, Magnus never was genuine to his boyfriend back then. Always hiding something – something what made him who he was. And that wasn't fair – he knew that, he knew that he wasn't fair to his partner, but he couldn't act otherwise, too afraid what Alec would think afterwards.

_Let me apologize to begin with_

_Let me apologize for what I'm about to say_

_But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed_

_And somehow I got caught up in between_

No, Magnus wasn't the real him when he was around Alec, always careful that no one would notice, that _he_ wouldn't notice the fact what was missing to complete Magnus – a shared past. But would Alec still love him or respect him when he knew who the real Magnus was – the real _demon_ within him? Or would he banish him out of his life never talking to him again?

_Between my pride and my promise_

_Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way_

_And things I want to say to you get lost before they come_

_The only thing that's worse than one is none_

No, it wasn't all Alecs fault – a truth Magnus painfully realized now and it made him cry out in grief. And yet again, tears were escaping his feline eyes and it surprised him, he never would have guessed he could cry that often. He would have thought that he was already dry like a desert, like a dead river in dry season.

_Let me apologize to begin with_

_Let me apologize for what I'm about to say_

_But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed_

_But somehow I got caught up in between_

No, it was all his fault, for not granting Alec the trust he deserved and telling him about his past. He knew everything about the young nephilim, but what did he know about him? About his mother and more important about his _father_? About his past relationships? About how he had lived?

_Between my pride and my promise_

_Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way_

_The things I want to say to you get lost before they come_

_The only thing that's worse than one is none_

No, he wouldn't keep on acting like he did before. He would now swallow down his pride and his fears and would start to talk if Alec still would listen. No more lies, Magnus swore to himself.

_And I cannot explain to you_

_And anything I say or do or plan_

_Fear is not afraid of you_

_But guilt's a language you can understand_

_I cannot explain to you_

_And anything I say or do_

_I hope the actions speak the words they can_

No, fear wouldn't stop him anymore. He was willing to give Alec everything he asked for, wanted for, everything Magnus could give to him, if Alec still would let him - his beloved Alec.

_For my pride and my promise_

_For my lies and how the truth gets in the way_

_The things I want to say to you get lost before they come_

_The only thing that's worse is_

_Pride and my promise_

_Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way_

No, the words won't get lost this time. He will fight for his love, for his future, for _Alec._

_The things I want to say to you get lost before they come_

_The only thing that's worse than one is none_

_The only thing that's worse than one is none_

_The only thing that's worse than one is none_

Yes, Alec is worth the fight – always was and always will be. For the sake of their love he will change. Promise.

Magnus opened his reddened eyes again looking into the darkness of his apartment and by a click from him the music died out, he couldn`t bear the song anymore and the memories it brought to his mind.

Moments later the room was lightened up by a short flash, a flame appeared next to him and a white paper materialized through it. Magnus took the note, immediately knowing who the author was and it frightened him, fear running through his body setting him into an alarm mode.

With shivering hands he opened the letter and read in horror the sloppy written words: "At least the good thing in being mortal is, that you have the option to end it."

No, no, no, not his Alec, no, please no, this can't be happening.

His face got pale white and Magnus screamed out of his lung releasing some of his anxiety into the cold room, scaring the Chairman away.

_His_ Alec wouldn't, no, he couldn't do that, could he? But nevertheless, Magnus was in deep hollow. He had to act very fast now, he had to save him.

Within seconds he stood up and jumped towards his bedroom. He needed to get a personal thing, a shirt or a necklace, something which Alec had worn near or over his heart, and that very quick. In his room he grabbed a black sweater lying on his bed, five candles from the cupboard and went back to the living room.

He instantly began to summon a spell while he draw a pentagram and a circle on the ground and lighten up the candles around him. First there was only a small blue shining bubble but as Magnus spoke the spell again and again, in every new row with more force and the bubble grew wider and bigger till there was a surface as large as a mirror and all Magnus could do now was praying and hoping that he did it in time.

And he waited.

Second after second.

The hardest time he had ever gone through.

Till the universe had mercy with him, because finally his beloved Alec crashed hard upon the ground in front of him, hard breathing for air, his whole body in pain.

As Alec slowly realized where he was, their eyes met and Magnus lost his internal fight. Without thinking he rushed towards him taking the broken body of the nephilim in a long embrace, kissing every single inch he could reach.

"Oh, god, Alec…. I´m… I´m so sorry…. for everything." And through his hug he could feel Alec relieving his exertion and leaning against Magnus body.

And this time, everything felt right for Magnus and he happily smilded to himself. Yes, everything will be just right.

They can restart again – today.

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><p><strong>Oh dear, that was a long chapter, the longest I have ever written, and I deeply hope that you are satisfied with it and it was worth the reading. Are you? <strong>

**Was it a good ending of my first chapter? Please tell me if you like the end or if not. And what did you like/not like? **

**And I'm very sorry for my english, hope you could understand it nevertheless.**

**Well anyway thank you for reading it :-) **

**Wish you a very good time!**


	3. Chapter 3 - In Pieces

Valentine's Day- Chapter 3 – In Pieces

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><p>Hello to everyone,<p>

As requested here comes the next chapter with the time afterwards and the talk about Magnus past…

I'm really sorry that it took me so long, but I wanted to write it as good as I am capable of and because of the fact that my life and work got a bite rough lately, I couldn't write it in one row. So therefore it took some time :-(

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. This will be your little present now, because they encourage me to keep on writing =) you're all awesome!

And also thanks a lot to the twenty followers. Everyone one of you is like a small review, too!

Hope you will like this chapter as well and now those who don't want to read lemon should listen up, because this chapter contains it as well. You are warned by now =^.^=

And don't be too harsh with me because it's my first real lemon scene (had a small one in the last chapter, but this one goes a bit further …). So I hope I don't _suck_ that much at it ;-)

So please tell me what you think and if you wish an upcoming chapter. I really enjoyed writing this story so far and now I have a hard time to click the complete button, my mind clearly don't want to end it like this, not by now and definitely not with this end you are going to read….. So tell me what you want and what content it should have =)

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><p>Disclaimer: Time went by, but still not mine :( … still hoping to win in the lottery so I can afford to buy the rights one day ;-)<p>

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><p>With shaking hands Magnus gently caressed Alec's flat hair in long soothing strokes. Once in a while he tried to banish some restive streaks out of his lover's cold face and bound them behind his ears. A typical motion, he always did to ease his once-was-boyfriend, whenever something had bothered him and just the loving act had always made Alec smile again. He would lean into Magnus fondling hand and then kiss the palm as a symbol of his thanking.<p>

But this time the action missed the purpose because Alec stayed quiet, trying to avoid tears running down his sore cheeks. He clearly didn't know how to handle the outcome of the evening.

At the top of the bridge the world seemed clear to him and for the first time since three weeks everything made sense again. His soul mate hated him and it was the best to just end it so nobody had to suffer because of him, but this evening had other plans, fate wanted to play his cruel game with him and laughed at his face by sending his guardian angel in form of his ex-lover to save him.

Yet again his life was directed by others. Would he never have a say in his life?

Therefore he couldn't trust or give in in the loving actions Magnus was doing, couldn't believe his soothing words, couldn't bear the caressing kisses. It felt wrong, dissembled, pretended from Magnus just to make sure, Alec wouldn't harm himself again.

But Alec didn't want false truth, didn't want to live a lie, because it's better to be heartbroken than living a betrayed and canted life, better to be alone than forcing somebody to stick with him.

_That_ he hadn't needed.

It was a very painful realization, but Alec had always been a realistic person. And no, he wouldn't do that to Magnus, he would give him his normal life back.

He would give Magnus free so the warlock could move on, letting him live his own life. Alec wouldn't be a burden to his ex-lover anymore and because of that, he tried to disengage himself from Magnus embrace, tried to move away from him, but the Asian man had other plans and pulled Alec even closer.

Magnus clearly wouldn't let Alec get away that easily again. Life was hell without his love at his side and the thought of losing him again was maddening. Instead he wanted to crawl into his fragile partner, wanting to protect him, but all what he had done was pushing him into suicide…

What kind of a man was he, that he had the power to do this? How did he have the cruelty to break somebody's living will? Were his father's evil genes that dominant? All his life he had feared, that one day he would have become his father and had always done everything to prevent that scenario from happening, but clearly he had failed.

And he would have never forgiven himself the failure, if Alec had succeeded in his plan of jumping of the bridge, if he couldn't have saved him.

No, he would make everything up again; he would be like glue to the Nephilim, sticking with him every single second of his life. Never ever would he make this blunder again – letting Alec leave his life.

Since three weeks he was only a hollowed shell and now life slowly crawled back into his body and so he savored the missed closeness and shut his eyes, wanting to melt into this moment for eternity, just the two of them for perpetuity. He could have kept going with his soft strokes for centuries.

Centuries – time that they didn`t have together and this fact hit him hard, send pulses of aches through his limb body and broke his heart. The obvious cruel truth tortured his immortal soul by slamming small needles into his raw flesh, giving him a sick feeling while suffering and there was no option to end this ceaseless pain.

What would he do when Alec's end comes and he had to keep on living alone? Was this universes' punishment for his sins in his earlier life and would his desolated future still be livable?

For Magnus being immortal wasn't bliss. It was quite the opposite; to see their beloved ones suffer in illness and then finally die was pure agony. And in the end you are left alone in your grief. He couldn't understand why people did that by their free will. They just see that they are healthy and young forever, but the darker sites weren't seen from them, the site were all their loved ones decayed into ashes and dusts.

Tears started to run from his feline eyes down his cavernous cheeks, wetting the cold hair of Alec. He was still frosted from the freezing wind up on the bridge and Magnus had the deep urge to tighten their entangled position, sharing his high body heat to warm his partner up.

No, he had to make it up. He knew they wouldn't have eternity, but he promised that he would make the time left as perfect as Alec deserved it.

He stopped the stroking and moved a bit to have a better look at his love of his life, his drug he always will be addicted to.

"Alec…. my love…my stupid Nephilim…. How could you?" Slightly he fondled with his hand over Alec's chest and finally he let his hand stay directly over the heart, with his left hand he trailed along the jaw up to Alec's lip, silencing the upcoming answer.

"Shhh… no need…. I was the fool…. By letting you go…. I'm so sorry, Alec…" After every single sentence he tried to steal a small kiss from Alec and his hand moved along Alec's cheek, trying to caress every single inch.

"Mag…" Alec wanted to say but was immediately cut half way through.

"Shh, I said… It's my turn to talk honey…" And by that he grabbed the neck of Alec, pulled him near and captured his soft lips. By all goddess did he taste good, like life and love and heaven at the same time. It gave him energy back and encouraged him to intensify the kiss, deepening it to taste more of Alec and his fantastic flavor. This had to be the feeling junkies would describe when they get their drug back...

And it seemed as if Alec didn't mind that feeling neither, because he didn't back down, instead he trailed with his tongue along Magnus' lip and the warlock willingly allowed him entrance and for the first time since three weeks their tongues meet again, dancing in simultaneous bliss, battling for dominance, showing their deepest feelings for each other.

After what felt like hours they shortly broke apart to grant their lungs some fresh air. While they heavily breathe in and out, their gazes never separated.

"Look, Magnus…" Alec started but stopped instantly, speechless because of the vision in front of him.

Magnus was slowly unbuttoning his shirt, showing him some smooth Asian-tanned skin and it watered Alec's mouth as if his favorite food was delivered, giving him a hard-time to speak his next words.

"Magnus…. really… as much as I wish to give in…in the action …all naked…" And by that he had to swallow hard because of all the pictures which flew around in his head. "but we… kind of… have to talk first." It was one of the hardest things he had ever done before – pushing his aroused partner away, denying him sex, but in the end he had to do it – and so he moved Magnus some inches away and afterwards he directly looked into his golden eyes, challenging him. He clearly wanted some answers first.

Magnus sighed and let his face fall down into his hands. He clearly didn't want to answer any…

"What...do you want to know?" The warlock finally spoke after some minutes of silence, knowing that he lost the battle.

"About you... your life... what you are thinking... feeling..." He quietly answered, not having the power to look to Magnus anymore. It was a lot to demand, he knew that, but at some point they just had to talk about the unspoken things between them. If they want a chance for a future as jointed lifetime partners, they just had to do this. Now.

"You did hurt me... you know..." It was Magnus again who broke their upcoming silence. "...playing with my life... was _wrong_..."

"I know and believe me, I hadn't wanted to give in..." Alec honestly admitted, letting his head sink in guilt. "but…Camille was just... there... when you...weren't... I guessed... She gave me what you... just couldn't give because you weren't ready...trusted me not enough... and that did hurt _me_ you know." He played with his fingers, not knowing what to do, blushing by his plain words.

To be honest always meant to be vulnerable at the same time…

"And that gave you the right to go to our enemy? To betray me with _her_?" It came out harsher than he had planned and Magnus directly felt sorry for his outburst, stroking Alec's cheek as an apology.

"No." It was a simple answer, but the truth.

"And what gave _you_ the right to not trusting _me_? By the angels, Magnus… I risked _everything_ for you... for this...my marks could have ripped away from me, because of my... sacrilege..."

"Is _that_ how they think about us?... Is that how _you_ think about our love... about _us_?" Magnus had to breathe hard, just the thought about it made him sad and tears slowly starting to crawl to the surface.

"No, of course not... of course not..." He answered fast, stumbling over his own words. "...it's just... hard for me, you know... I just want to fit in… find my place in the world… the clave…and I just realized that I… I would always be the _outsider_..."

"You have_ me_... if you still...want to… For me, you will ever be my _everything_" He looked towards Alec with hope glistening in his golden eyes.

"Always will... I _do_ love you, Magnus." And for the first time since the talk, he had the courage to directly look towards him again.

"And I do _trust_ you... really... it's just painful... to remember, you know."

Alec knew Magnus well enough to know he was innerly struggling with himself, fighting a big battle against his fears and in the end, Magnus finally spoke with well-chosen words.

"Your ancestors weren't the only one mentioned in the bible..." He broke off as he saw Alec's shocked face, unsure if he should continue. As Alec relaxed after his first jolt was processed, Magnus had the courage to go on. "My father... he is directly named..." His shivered words again broke off, he needed more strength for this and he searched for the warm embrace of Alec, steeling some of his force.

"He was the… leader… of the rebellion against god..." There it was – the unspoken truth was out and he bitterly had to see how life slowly was fading away out Alec's face. So Camille _had_ lied to him back there, he thought.

"That meant…?" He had to hear it from Magnus – _he_ had to say the word – the truth he feared the most. No more guessing – just the cruel truth now.

"Lucifer himself is my father…"

Alec's world began to tremble but he cleared his thoughts fast. Did that change anything, he thought to himself. Did that make Magnus another person? Did that modify his _love_ towards him? It wasn't Magnus fault who his father was; you can't blame an offspring for his family.

"That explains a lot…. I guess…" His words didn't sound disgusted and they gave Magnus the hope, he needed.

"Yes…and I wanted to give you the hint down at the tunnel… by touching the witchlight…" And Alec remembered, his eyes widened in realization – the light _had_ reacted… he was such a fool for not observing the fact back then.

"So…what _now_?" Magnus laid the choice in Alec's hands, giving him the option to back out, as hard as it would be for him, but he would come to terms with that, somehow and somewhere…

"I love you, Magnus…and nothing will change that, you know… it's just your father… it's not _you_!" To show Magnus that he truly meant what had said, he crawl back to his love and took him in a long and caring embrace, trying to kiss all his fears away; he tried to be his guiding light in his dark night, showing him the path below, bringing him aspiration.

"And… how did he meet your mother?"

"She was beautiful, more than that…. she looked like a living goddess… and well, amazing prettiness always comes with strong pride, vain and arrogance, all characteristics belonging to one of the seven deadly sins called superbia – my father's favorite one… and as he heard from her, he immediately got curious and the moment he saw her for the first time, he was astonished… a motion a prince of hell never knew before and something changed inside of him. First he didn't know what it was, what haunted him, but then it was clear – he was addicted to her – he was in _love_ with her… and he was afraid; blamed his angel side, his fallen angel side for his breach and tried to hide it, tried to forget _her_… but he failed deeply… he crawled back to her… every single evening while her husband was working outside on the farm… until she got pregnant…with me… she started to deny him access, fearing her husband's revenge if he ever found out… and as he saw me the moment I was born… he knew… and he made the life of my mother and me a living hell…. wanting to make sure, my environment was like the place my real father would be… punishing me for something I hadn't done wrong in the first place…. but when you hear it every single day, at some point you believe it by yourself…. it's nature, I guessed..."

"Oh Magnus… I hadn't a slightest clue…" He brushed away some tears which were slowly running down his burning cheeks. He wanted to sooth him, but how did you do it at somebody whose whole life was agony?

"Enough of this…please….the memories hurt…and I had enough of this pain for the last weeks… for the last hundreds of years…" And for Magnus the talking was clearly over.

Instead it seemed as if he wanted to turn to more pleasant topics like kissing and leant forwards, capturing roughly Alec's lips, leaving him in confusion about the strange changeover but he didn't mind, kissing was definitely a lot more joyful and damn was Magnus a good kisser. He couldn't get enough of him and his kissing skills, his delicious flavor and his soft and smooth lips.

Heaven – Magnus never believed he would reach heaven, but this was clearly like it, well, actually this was even better. His father chose the banishment by his free will, but Magnus would never leave, would never throw away this bliss.

He let out a deep moaned and licked his lips, tasting Alec – a flavor which remembered him of a warm summer evening when you are roasting marshmallows above the campfire and you are drinking warm cacao and you just feel comfy and cozy, you feel safe and warm, you feel at home - and then he threw over all his well-prepared plans, letting his horniness taking control. He clashed his mouth on Alec's and found his lovers tongue again.

And this time it felt right – just right, this pleasure, this overwhelming feeling of closeness and love.

Alec's hands went to Magnus shirt and started to unbutton it, slowly one nub after the other, exposing his bare chest and Alec definitely liked what he saw. Magnus was just perfect, well-formed muscles under his skin with a beautiful Asian-tan he had always admired the most. It was a huge turn on and made him already rocket hard, just the small glimpse of divest skin already made him crazy.

He glanced down, saving every single inch of this gorgeous view in his mind, taking small pictures so he never will forget about this special moment.

"You look breath-taking…." It was the only sentence Alec managed to tell before his head went into a jelly status.

"Not as fucking hot as the guy in front of me who definitely had too much cloth on" Magnus smirked and with a snipped of his fingers, Alec's shirt disappeared along with his other cloth except for his black boxers. "Much better love!" Leaving Alec in a deep blush.

Magnus hands went to Alec`s chest, softly trailing along from his chest to his abs, caressing him till his head fell backwards in pleasure, enjoying the feeling he missed the last three weeks, letting him moan in pleasure as Magnus hands found the top of his underpants. A warm hand immediately went into it and Alec automatically thrust forward, wanting to feel Magnus' skillful fingers around him, wanting to feel the caressing, the pumping around his erection. He couldn't wait anymore; he was close just by looking at his lover.

He laid himself down, giving Magnus a better access to his groin. The ground was hard and uncomfortable, but he didn't give a fuck anymore. He will get pleasure soon which compensate this twice.

And Magnus knew exactly how to do this.

Again one quiet snip from him and finally he had reached his goal – looking at a naked Alec.

Normally the fact, that he was totally revealed, made Alec uncomfortable, but with Magnus, it was always something different, just the opposite happened all the time, the present of his shiny warlock made him rock-hard and he bit on his lower lip to oppress a deep moan.

His dick was already dripping with precum, reading to be taken in his lover`s mouth and Magnus obeyed with joy, giving his lover a blow-job was one of his favorite practices, having the opportunity to bring him bliss with just his mouth and tongue was beyond imagination. Without warning he went down on Alec and swallowed him deep till his base, hitting his own throat, making Alec to shiver and buckle in pure sensation.

"Oh dear lord... nhh... this feels so good..." He started to moan. "Oh, yeaaaah... baby... just what I wished... hm... so good..." Alec closed his eyes to just feel the moment in heaven and Magnus' skillful tongue which slit up and down his shaft while he sucked hard, trying to milk him dry. His tongue played along his pulsing veins, feeling his pulsatile heartbeat.

As Alec's breath speeded up, Magnus got more and more encouraged and his hands went to his firm and tight ass of Alec, grabbing the butt cheeks, spreading them, never stopping his action with Alec's beautiful dick, now and then teasing the throbbing head of his member, making Alec scream out.

Magnus' warm and soft lips never lost contact, instead he increased yet again the speed, sucking Alec even harder and with every hit to the base, Alec moaned loader.

"Ohhh my God," he moaned again, letting his right hand take a tight grip on Magnus's hair, pulling him up and down in his own radical pace as he knew he was close, having the urge to come right at the spot.

When Alec felt a coated finger slit without warning inside of him from behind, he was totally lost in the emotions. This always was the way he loved it, to be sucked and fucked at the same time, and he yelped, seeing stars in front of his eyes and the universe was smiling back at his beatitude.

It was beyond felicity. It was hot and sexy and just fucking good and Alec shivered with every heavy thrusting of Magnus finger, exploring his inside, spreading him, preparing him.

"I'm... close..." He hoarsely tried to moan, having a hard time not to die out of an anoxia or a heart attack.

As a second and third finger was simultaneously added, Alec had no longer control over his body. He quivered in rapture and as Magnus found his sweet spot inside over and over again, he couldn't hold back anymore, didn't want to, wishing, begging for relieve.

He came harder and faster than he had ever done and Magnus swallowed all of his come, sucking him over the edge.

After some more strokes Magnus released Alec's already slack dick with a quiet plop, licking him dry, tasting the last drops of his sperm. He always loved the salty flavor of his lover.

"God... angel... you taste just unbelievable good." And as a proof he licked his lips, making his partner blush deep, but the motion turned a switch down and his blue eyes darkened in lust.

Alec wanted to feel Magnus inside, wanted to feel his relieve inside, to feel his throbbing erecting hitting his prostate over and over again, to sense his coming inside, dripping out of him after he pulled himself out, flowing along his legs.

He liked the bottom part, even preferred it, preferred to be dominated by someone on top, to be filled till his maximum, brimmed with a jerking erection which would hit his sweet spot over and over again with every thrust. He just loved to be ridden in long and powerful sessions, feeling the hard thrust. It was indescribable, just pure bliss like heaven was on earth.

So he dragged him down and pulled on his jeans, giving Magnus the hint to snip them away. And as he obeyed and Alec had full view at Magnus pulsatile member, a loud sound of a clap echoed in the room and Magnus hold his face with his palm, not understanding what he did wrong.

Very confused he blinked towards his lover and with a slight anger he started to speak in the moment, he gained his voice back from his shocked status. "What was that for?!"

At the same time Alec freed himself from Magnus and crawled away in a fast speed. "You damn bastard!" He furiously yelled at him. "Three weeks Magnus? You replace me after three fucking weeks?"

"What?" Magnus was lost in confusing.

"Who's Thomas?" Alec spit his question out as if it was venomed. His face spoke the language of incredulity and hurt was seen in his eyes. Tears started to crawl to the surface, already reddening his normally beautiful eyes.

"What? Who? Alec what's wrong with you?" Alec couldn't mean _the_ Thomas from earlier, could he? How? Magnus thought in fear but couldn't get a clue till he looked down and he immediately saw the mess what made Alec this nuts. Above his dick was something written in luminescenced ink. Something from a man named Thomas – he had left there his telephone number and a note to call him when Magnus liked to finish their session.

"You dirty little whore. First you cheat and now you deny it?" He was outraged and his eyes glowed in pure disgust against Magnus.

"I suffered every single minute like I was tortured in hell since you left me… but I guessed I was the only part who was heartbroken… did I mean that less to you?" Alec spit every word out, wanting and hoping they would cut his once love deep within and it seemed as if it worked because Magnus went pale like the white wall behind him.

"Alec, please... let me explain!" Magnus begged with tears starting to run down his broken face, trying to touch Alec's leg next to him.

"No… you didn't give me chance either!" And as Magnus tried to take his hand on Alec's leg to sooth him, he hit Magnus hard, tried to break every single bone within.

"Don't you dare touch me with your filthy hands. I don't even want to think about the places they were only hours ago… It makes me sick… god… and I let you suck me, stroke me … I think I have to vomit."

Alec stood up from the ground and turned around, trying to cover himself from the sight of his once-love - a love that had gotten a deep crack.

"Believe me. It meant _nothing_ to me... I was drunk and alone... and..."

"No! You definitely were never alone! You just had to _call_, but you chose otherwise...and besides, it was _you_ who drove us in this loneliness in the first place!"

"I'm sorry... really... please believe me" "No, Magnus, we're done! And now get off of me!"

"Alec! Please, I moaned your name... I thought the whole time about you"

"Shut the fuck up! I really don't want to hear about it. You should have thought this over… before you did it, before you threw yourself at the next best man ... now learn to live with that!"

"Alec... please... we both did wrong things... and we both are sorry... please let us just forget everything and start from the beginning"

"Don't you dare compare us! I just _thought_ about it... It was just a notion. I would never have done shortening your life. Never ever! And that is the big difference. You _did_ get physical, _cheating_ on me."

"But we were separated!"

"Oh my god...You _didn't_ actually said that as an excuse, did you? Get out of my sight. Get out of my life. I risked everything in my life, just to be replaced after three weeks... That's it... Just fuck you... We're over!"

And with that he dressed himself and immediately walked out of the room, raced out of Magnus' apartment into the pouring rain, leaving Magnus behind in a total break-down, crying like a baby.

He had destroyed everything with one improvident action and now his life lied in cullets in front of him – forever - and nobody could repair them, nobody could comfort him anymore.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he looked older now as if he had rapidly aged by the events. This night had gone into the wrong direction. He had lost his Alec – his future. Again…

And something in Magnus broke.

In the meantime, outside of the apartment complex, Alec started to run.

He run down the street into the darkness of the night.

When his lungs screamed for some rest and fresh air, he turned into the next site road he could reach. With one hand he held himself up, trying to control his breath again and with the other he grabbed after his dagger and with no second thought, he cut himself across the chest, leaving a deep bleeding gash behind.

His pain was ineffable – outside and inside – but it will be over – soon.

Just two or three more minutes and everything will be gone...

Bleeding to death was a short but painful death and he screamed in agony one last and final time, letting everything out, everything what had afflicted him before.

He screamed his unbearable pain into the world – a world from which his mind slowly walked away.

Blood was swelling out of his ripped body in steady pulses, creeping along his body as his lifeless body slowly felt to the ground.

While he landed hard at the dirty street like a limp sack, a lean boy with blond curly hair writhed himself in a dreamless sleep. Brawly he awoke and immediately run towards his mirror at the other side of his meager decorated bedroom. During his sprint, he ripped his shirt from his body and as he reached his goal, a scream full of agony echoed through the halls of the Institute, awakening every member of the household.

The young red-haired girl, who hurried to his side to comfort him, stopped in shock and her heartbeat ended the moment she saw, what caused him this status of pain. Swooned she fell on her knees, letting deep grief overwhelm her.

Because his Parabatai Rune was slowly fading away - second after second - leaving only a barely visible small scar...

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><p><em>Telling me to go<em>_  
>but hands beg me to stay<em>_  
>Your lips say that you love<em>_  
>your eyes say that you hate<em>

_There's truth in your lies,__  
>doubt in your faith<em>_  
>What you build you lay to waste<em>_  
>There's truth in your lies<em>_  
>doubt in your faith<em>_  
>All I've got what you didn't take<em>

_So I...  
>I won't be the one<br>Be the one to leave this, in pieces  
>And you...<br>You will be alone..._

_Alone with all your secrets, and regrets  
>Don't lie<em>

(Linkin Park – In Pieces)

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><p>Please give me a hint if you liked it and what I now should do…<p>

With lots of hugs,

Satyana


	4. Chapter 4 - In Despair

Valentine's Day – In despair

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><p><strong>Hello everyone,<strong>

**Thank you so much for the last reviews. You all made my day =D I'm so happy and honored that you really read my stuff :D **

** Intoxis, fictionfairytalesfantasy4921, babs4122, lumusic87 and FluffySensei: I'm sorry for the last chapter :( I know it was intense and I know it was hard to read but after all there is still hope! **

** Malec lover: Thank you for giving me the hint. I changed it into tragedy to warn the people :/**

** draco-Harry-Lover-1: Here is the wanted update =)**

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><p>Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine :(<p>

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><p>It could have been a perfect day.<p>

The sun was standing high and bright at the cloudless sky, starting to heat the world underneath, freeing it from its winter sleep chains, letting nature win back its dominance. The first birds, which were back from their winter residences, were singing their happy songs in the leafless trees, bathing themselves in the first warm sunlight. The air was still and smelled after early spring because hundreds of snowdrops were blooming on the wide green lawn, spreading their sweet scent into the clime. Some ducks were dancing their courtship ball near the calm sea, finding their mates for the upcoming season.

It could have been a perfect day for families to go for a walk in the near park, to play with their kids at the next playground, to just enjoy time with their beloved ones.

It could have been a perfect day for people who have reasons to care for such things, for people who have reasons to admire such beauty.

For people who hadn't lost their brother, their son or their friend, for people who hadn't lost their greatest _love_.

For Magnus it wasn't a perfect day or a beautiful day, not even a good day.

For Magnus it was hell.

It was hell since the moment three Shadowhunters and a Vampire broke into his apartment to end his life two days ago.

_Four hours. It's been four long hours since Alec run out of his apartment, leaving Magnus alone in a status of shock, unable to move or to think and a thick cloud of deep sorrow overload his mind, making it numb and limb. _

_Once again his look went onto the display of his mobile phone. 73 calls, but Alec hadn't answered a single one of them. Outnumbered messages, but to none had he responded. Fear started to crawl in his guts, piercing him with sharp little needles, making him sore. The aching pain slightly cleared his fogged mind off, just enough to regain the needed control to get a straight thought. _

_He had to do something, to search after his love, after his life, his future. He had to beg for mercy and this time he wouldn't let Alec leave that easily._

_And just as he tried to straighten up his broken body from the couch while wiping away his dried trails of tears, he heard outraging screams outside of his flat and in the next second someone heavy threw himself against his entrance. Again and again, till his door has been ripped out of its hinge._

_Magnus turned around in surprise and was instantly knocked out by a heavy punch from a blond-haired young man. Through the impact, his body flew around and he fell to the floor, hitting his head hard on the glass table which broke into thousand little pieces._

_The second his body crashed onto the ground, he felt a heavy body on top of him, trying to beat his life out of him in pure rage._

"_Why did you left him? Since the day he wasn't him anymore. Why did you left him in such a state? To be alone and without any self-defense?" He could hear from the body on top screaming through his heavy punches._

_Pain waves were floating through his tortured body and through his shocked and confused state he could quietly hear screams from female voices. Then there was another strong body trying to go in between, trying to protect him from the offender and finally they could manage to get Jace off of him, pinning him next to the couch while Magnus was having a hard time to breath, trying to gain some air into his lungs._

_He coughed some fresh blood on the floor and waved a hand over his punished face. Everything was hurting inside. His ears were ringing loudly, and his head was spinning around. He had bruises all over his body and he could feel that he had one or two broken ribs, too._

_He crawled to the couch and lifted himself onto it, still breathing in a wild and irregular speed and as his focus was steady again, he looked to the small group of well-known people, still pinning a furious Jace forcefully onto the ground. Simon was sitting on his chest while Clary held his feet and Izzy his hands._

_For some time it was dead-silent, an alarming silent which was only cut by quiet moans from Jace once in a while._

_The two groups were just looking at each other, scanning their motions, trying to foresee their next move._

_After Magnus had finished healing himself enough that he could at least breath properly again and his head hadn't a concussion anymore, he looked towards the two girls and saw their reddened eyes, their weak and broken bodies, their dejection, their despair. _

_He saw their red marks, he saw their white cloth._

_And he felt as if somebody had pulled away the ground beneath him, as if he had lost his connection to the floor, as if his life had ended just in this moment._

_No, they weren't here because of Alec. They weren't here because something bad had happened to him. _

_No, Alec was okay, he was safe at home, lying in his warm bed. He was just a bit upset, that was all, right?_

_But when Izzy broke of their eye contact to look up in the air, oppressing tears starting to stream from her eyes, Magnus' world shattered. _

_And unbearable agony floated through every inch of his body, crushing him into little pieces, letting him scream out all of his pain, his despair and melt him into a status of limpness. Heavy mourning he broke down onto the couch while tears were running down his face._

_No, his Alec is alive. He saw him just four hours ago, he still felt his soft lips on him, still smelt his delicious flavor on his tongue, still felt his skilful fingers roaming over him, exploring him, still heard his hoarsely moaning, still saw his with lust darkened eyes._

_He couldn't control his sobs, his dolor. It was just too much, it overwhelmed him and he felt unconsciousness taking control over him and he welcomed the welcomed blackness, the welcomed numbness._

It's been two days in hell since then, since the day, universe took away his heart, ripped it out of him, and left him alone, slowly bleeding to death.

Two days since his reason to keep on living was gone. And the burning ache, the throbbing pain, the itching agony because of his lost was still there. And would be there forever.

He was standing there with Tessa on his side, to stabilize himself, under a huge tree outside of Alicante near the Lake Lyn, covered in an unseen-spell and looking towards the small group standing around a fire.

The fire which will send Alec's soul towards heaven. The fire which would leave nothing behind from his beloved angel. Nothing but a deep hole within him, a hole no one could ever refill.

It was always his last wish to have his fire on this special place here and nobody would have ever denied it, giving him this last honor, but this had made it not easier for them. The small group was loudly mourning in deep sorrow and despair as did Magnus. He never thought he could cry that much, but the last weeks proofed him wrong and he wished he had never had the opportunity seeing that proof.

They had denied him to be at his funeral, denied him to say his final goodbye to him. As a punishment for his sins, for his fault for their loss.

"_How… did it happen?" He had to know it, as painful as it would be to hear, but he just had to know how his love was taken away from him._

"_We found him with a gash… across his chest…we assume that he… bled… to death…" Her words broke of and tears started to fall down his face again, she was quietly sobbing and let her face fell into her hands. _

_She was the only one left. After the fight was over, Jace couldn't bear his presents anymore and run out, Clary right behind him, trying to sooth him, and after Simon quickly talked with Izzy, he also left, giving the two of them the needed time alone._

"_A dagger was lying next to him… as if he tried to… protect him from something… but we still haven't a clue… what had attacked him." She managed to tell him through her moans._

"_But Magnus… believe me… we will find it and we slay it down… I promise with my life…" In her eyes he could see that she meant what she said, always had. Her eyes were darkened in a fury, he never had seen in an angelic face before, never thought a Nephilim could hate that much._

_Hate him that much._

_He knew it was his fault. That Alec was outraged when he left and he clearly would have made an easy target in this status. Not able to think clear in a fight, not able to fight proper when attacked. Why did he left him in the first place? This all would never have happened. Jace was right with his screaming._

_His death was his fault. And that was the worst he had ever to deal with, something he would never forgive himself, something nobody would ever forgive him._

_But he needed to tell his burden, he needed to get the deserved punishment._

_And he closed his eyes, took one final breath in and told her everything, told her about their broke-up, told her about their fight, about their talk and about his failure. It was a lot to take in, to work through and she listened till the end._

_When Magnus finally had finished, she stood up from the ground, stepped in front of Magnus and went with his head to his ear. With a clear and sharp voice she told him quietly._

"_My only satisfaction is that you will have to life with his blood on your hands for eternity and that can be very long while regrets are torturing you every single minute of your life!" Her lips went up for a cold smile and her eyes went icy while piercing me. Then she turned around and walked out._

This morning Magnus got a fire message from Clary. She told him that his funeral would be today and that she felt at least responsible to tell him that, after all what he had done for them, but she gave him also the advice to not come, Jace would kill Magnus the moment he sees him. Izzy had told them everything and now the warlock was a prey for them, a prey on which they could let out their fury, hoping that letting out aggression would make things easier.

But Magnus didn't fear their threat. He would never back down, he would never have missed saying good bye to Alec on his funeral. He would rather die than not be here.

"It hurts, Tessa…" Magnus turned to her, taking in her embrace, putting his head down to rest on her shoulder.

"I know, darling… I'm so sorry….but no matter what, I will be there for you…it will stay this way, but together we will get you through this…." She softly caressed his hair. They were lying flat down, he didn't take glitter anymore, he didn't put on make-up lately, he even didn't care to dress in a proper way. It didn't matter anymore, life didn't matter, for whom should he look good? The only one who cared was gone.

"But I don't want to get through this…I don't want to get over him…. I just want him back…. "He mumbled into her jacket.

"I know… we all want that…."She tried to sooth him, but failed as once again tears run down his already sore cheeks.

"Oh Tessa… how will I get the strength to keep on going?"

"There is always a way…" And he didn`t believe her.

He let his gaze trail to the small group again. Through his feline eyes he could see them focused, see their grief on their faces, see their cries, their sobs.

Especially Maryse looked as if she had aged rapidly within the last days, losing two sons was breaking her apart. She was standing alone at the top of the cremation, looking directly into the flames, tears were steadily running down, falling to the ground.

She was monitored from Robert throughout the whole ceremony. He clearly wanted to sooth her but didn`t know how. How could you possibly comfort a mother who lost two of her sons? How could you take away her grief?

He never was fond of his son's way of life, of his son's chosen path, of the fact that his love fell upon a Warlock, a Downworlder – a male Downworlder.

But in the end it was his son – and would ever be. And he was proud of him – and would ever be. And he loved him and he would forever love him, remember him, honor him. Till he would let out his last breath on earth.

Izzy was standing next to Simon. He had his hands around her waist, pulling her near him and she thankfully leant in, assimilating his strength so she could make it through the day. Once in a while he kissed her on her hair, showing her that she wasn't alone, showing her his affection, his deep love, towards her. Again she had to burry a brother, too young to die, his whole life ahead and not having a chance to live it anymore. And yet again she couldn't safe him and yet again it was her fault.

She had encouraged Alec to give Magnus a try, she even went to Magnus, talked to him, gave him her number, told him that she was okay with everything.

What would have happened when she hadn't done all that? Would he still be here, alive among them? Would he still be happy if he hadn't experienced his first real love with Magnus?

And once again she wiped a tear with her palm away and buried her face deep in Simon's Sweater.

Jace was standing there like a rock, showing not a slightest emotion. He was just rocking himself back and forth, again and again. Every now and then Clary laid a soft hand on his shoulder to assure him that she is still there, giving him the opportunity to gain some comfort from her, but every time he took a step aside and her hand slip off of him, leaving her alone in her own sorrow and she embraced herself, crossing her arms around her chest.

Magnus felt pity for her and he deeply wished he could console her. But from this distance he couldn't do anything. There wasn`t a spell to take away that kind of grief, if so he would have tried the magic on himself long time ago.

He forcefully turned around, ending his gaze towards the small group and leant his head against the tree, absorbing some strength from it to just get the power to pass the day alive. He wasn't capable to get through it on his own.

He had lost his love, his heart, his soul mate and all because of him. It was his fault, he could only blame himself for his loss and this comprehension hit him hard, made his guts sick and he had to oppress the urge to vomit right away.

His word trembled and swallowed him into a big circle, spinning him around and threw him onto the hard ground of reality.

What had he done to get such a punishment? He would never be happy again, never would love again and what was an immortal life worth it without such emotions? What was it worth if you live your long life in hell? A life in grief and despair?

For Magnus his life could end right now. He regretted too much for caring for his end. He wouldn't mind, he wouldn't hold onto this. He would just happily accept it. Because nothing could change this.

Right?

His eyes popped open and he hastily turned towards Tessa, grabbing her by her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you darling…" Her face showed her deep surprise and her confusion. "For what" Her eyes focused him, trying to read him, but was cut off by Magnus' strange reaction.

Because she could see that suddenly his body halo changed. It was now shining brightly in a peaceful color of blue and violet, melting together in swirl of small bubbles. His mind began to ease and all his sorrows were swept away, as if he inwardly saw something beautiful, something really life changing, as if he saw _hope_.

She lightly agitated him to wake him up, but failed. He was still standing there, looking into blankness. "Magnus, what's up with you?... You really scare me now." She loudly asked him, trying to get his attention back, but still nothing.

Just as she wanted to break his silencing chains by a spell, he locked his eyes with hers, as if he could tell her everything through a single gaze, could tell her that everything will be okay soon, that he had a plan.

And she just understood. She slightly nodded, giving him her blessing.

He turned around and run to the circle made of stones on the small hill above them. It was an old portal place only some old and powerful warlocks knew of its existence. As he arrived he instantly started to summon the well-known blue wobbling portal surface and the second it was open he went through it, never looking back once.

On the other side of the portal laid his apartment in complete darkness and silence, only a happy welcome-purr from Chairmen Meow could be heard. With his trail joyfully wagging he came to him and lolled around his feet, hoping to eventually get his food. Magnus petted him gently behind his ear, his favorite spot, and apologizely whispered that he had to wait a little longer. And as if he understood he looked disappointed back and left in huff.

Magnus sighed in a deep breath. It seemed as if he lately made everyone, he cared for, mad at him.

But he had no time to beg for mercy and focused his attention back towards his work he had to do.

In a hurry he ran through his flat and grabbed after everything what was important for his upcoming summoning. Fully packed he came back to his living room and laid all the needed ingredients on his small table.

He moved the heavy couch so he had more room to work in and then he started to draw with coal made out of oak trees from Idris a huge black circle on his wooden floor. Within this circle he draw a pentagram and put on every one of the five spikes a black candle and lighten them up. When they were shining bright in a warm red light, he burned olibanum in its flames, turning the color into a lime green and thick black smoke was spreading through the apartment.

Then he threw a blue colored potion into the middle of the pentagram and while he started to speak the needed spell in an ancient language, he took a dagger and cut himself in his hands. He let some blood drops dripping into another potion and threw it on the place of the other one and instantly more smoke rose up. The potion mass was cooking, wildly bubbling and the ground under his feet started to tremble. It smelled after burned flesh, after decay, after death.

A light explosion irritated his vision and he needed to look to the ground. After some moments he cleared his gaze and now he could see a tall man standing in the middle of the circle, banned through the pentagram.

The man wasn't outraged, wasn't screaming, wasn't fighting like normal summoned demon would do, offended in their pride by their caged status, but this man just stood there, lightly giggling to himself and let his gaze trail along Magnus body, sharp yellow feline eyes were fixing the warlock, piercing him and then he spoke in a low and powerful voice.

"Lucien, long time no see, huh?"

"Father, it's still _Magnus_, will you please be kind enough to finally remember that?"

"You wouldn't have summon me because of telling me that, don`t you? So what did you have devoured my son?"

"I would like to offer you a trade."

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><p><strong>That's it for now. Thank you very much for reading. <strong>

**And please give me a small review so I will know that you liked it and that you want an update =)**


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